Kristin Hill Taylor

Seeking God as the Author of Every Story

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Search Results for: label/No More Perfect Moms

{No More Perfect Kids} Excellence vs. Perfection

February 24, 2014 by Kristin Leave a Comment


One of the hardest things about laying down perfection is knowing what to pick up instead. Obviously, life isn’t perfect. And neither am I or my husband or my kids or my days or my anything else. But there is a fine line being perfect {or, you know, trying to be …} and striving for excellence and contentment.

It’s a fine line, yes. But there’s a big difference.

While reading “No More Perfect Kids” by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch earlier this year, the contrast of perfection with contentment and excellence struck my heart.

“Contentment involves confidently living life as it is. We parents our kids as they are. … Contentment means we won’t focus on what we don’t have, what we can’t do, and what’s wrong with everything and everyone around us. We’ll be aware of these things, because we know life can’t be perfect, but we won’t focus there. Rather, we’ll focus on what we do have, what we can do, and what’s right with the world — including our part of the world.”

{Jill Savage in “No More Perfect Kids“}

Do you hear that? It’s about changing our focus and embracing our real lives. {And, yes, this isn’t the first time I’ve blogged about this book. You can read the first post here.}

You know, the life with a noisy, messy boy and a girl who talks so fast I have to ask her to slow down and repeat herself. Yes, and the life with dirty dishes, piles of laundry, and those sticky spots on the floor. Yes, sometimes people run late and forget what they said they’d do in this real life. And, yes, this real life has disappointments but it has plenty of joy too.

For a long time, I thought if I were content with this real life of mine, then I’d be settling. It’s really quite the opposite. When I’m content, I’m free to take risks because I’m not worried about perfection.

Ah, sweet relief. 

More relief came when Jill Savage outlined the difference between excellence and perfection in the second chapter of “No More Perfect Kids.” Look at these contrasting lists:

EXCELLENCE :: Something done well. Attainable. Positive. Freeing. Allows for failure. Expects mistakes. Growing. Learning. Open. Motivated by confidence. From God. Empowering.

PERFECTION :: Done without fault. Unattainable. Negative. Binding. Punishes failure. Panics at mistakes. Dying. Performing. Closed. Motivated by fear. From the world. Rejecting.

Far too often I have parented and even lived burdened by perfection instead of striving for excellence. I’ve squashed my son’s joy because his noise level interfered with my task-oriented focus. I’ve burdened my daughter with nagging correction. I’ve picked on my husband who didn’t read my mind.

I want to embrace my son’s joy, even first thing in the morning. I want to show my daughter the freedom that comes with doing her best and learning as she goes. I want to love my husband in ways that burst open the communication. I want us all to stand firmly on the secure foundation that comes only from God.

I want to strive for excellence, rest in contentment, and let go of perfection. 

________

I got an advanced copy of “No More Perfect Kids” by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch as part of the book’s launch team. The book will be available for purchase in March, and if you buy the book between March 13-23, you’ll get additional FREE resources worth more than $100 from Hearts at Home and Moody Publishers. Stay tuned because there’s more on this book to come. Yes, I truly love it that much. 

This is an ongoing theme in my life. Last year, I blogged often about embracing imperfection and was part of Jill Savage’s launch team for “No More Perfect Moms.” This post contains Amazon affiliate links because these are books I believe in, but prices won’t change if you order through my links. Thanks for supporting this blog!

Joining Jen Ferguson and her Soli Deo Gloria party with this post. 

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{No More Perfect Kids} Letting the light escape

January 27, 2014 by Kristin Leave a Comment

My kids were chasing each other. It had started out as a game and then morphed into him picking on her and her yelling at him. My husband walked through the door into the tense moment. Again. Seriously, what is it about the hour before dinner that ramps up the stress level?

I was trying to get dinner finished. In effort to gain some control over the people in my house, I yelled some rant about how having fun is OK but wildness is dangerous and how I could use some help setting the table and how nobody was getting along and how …

You know, I don’t even remember everything in my rant. I’m certain my kids didn’t actually learn anything from it either. And my husband just became more irritated with my attempt at control.

Letting go has been my desire long before Elsa sang about her icy powers. But in trying to let go and embrace the imperfection, I’ve failed over and over again. Yes, I’ve improved. But I’m still not there.

I’m not perfect, but I’m being perfected by a perfect God. Did you catch that? Notice the drastic difference when perfect is an unattainable adjective and when it’s an on-going verb.

This is the process I’ve been embracing the past year and it’s the same one I’m going to continue embrace this year. {You can read many previous posts about embracing imperfection inspired by Jill Savage’s “No More Perfect Moms.”}

“Change is really about exchange. We replace one thing with something else. What if you and I replaced ‘being perfect’ with ‘being perfected’? What if we were truly able to embrace that the imperfect parts of our lives are counterbalanced with the reality of a perfect God who longs to shine His light through the cracks in our lives? What if we could believe that fully for ourselves and fully for our children, who are also ‘being perfected’?”

{Jill Savage in “No More Perfect Kids“}

That’s right. Jill Savage has a new book out. Written with Dr. Kathy Koch, it’s an ideal follow-up to her book last year, especially for someone like me who desires change but isn’t always sure how to let go. As part of the launch team, I’ve gotten to read the book already. It encourages parents to really get to know their children and offers practical advice for ridding parenting of perfection

As much as I recommend you buy it, I also recommend you wait until the release week. If you buy the book between March 14-22, then you’ll get additional FREE resources worth more than $100 from Hearts at Home and Moody Publishers. Totally worth the wait. Stay tuned because this won’t be the only time I talk about it.

So that quote above from Jill? Yeah. It pierced my heart because it’s EXACTLY what I want to happen in my heart and my life and my children.

I chose “LIGHT” as my one-word focus for the year. God has since brought songs and words into my life to affirm the importance of letting go so His light alone can shine. For me, it’s about seeing God in imperfect real life and holding on to his promises while letting go of my expectations.

He’s there …

… in the piles of laundry that are washed, dried, folded and put away for my favorite people in the world.

… in the dishes that need to be loaded into the dishwasher because we had food to eat around the table together.

… in the noisy, sometimes rough games the kids make up because they’re creative and active.

… when I’m not sure what to say or when I’ve said too much.

… on the hard days because we can do all things with His strength.

… when my words are too loud and my lectures too long because he forgives and redeems.

… when my kids are slow to obey because God is slow to anger and wants us to learn patience.

… when my kids ask the same questions over and over. They’re learning and figuring things out.

… when we all forget and run late and crowd our schedules because none of us are perfect but God still manages to work all things together for our good when he choose him.

… when we feel left out or passed over or like we aren’t sure what step to take next.

… always, especially when we finally remember we aren’t in control anyway.

Those cracks have been on my mind. And then Jill Savage goes and talks about them too. Those cracks aren’t worth yelling about because I want to hear the truth they whisper and the light they allow to shine.

________

I’m linking this post with Jen Ferguson’s Soli Deo Gloria party, where the imperfect cracks are embraced fully, and Jennifer Dukes Lee’s #TellHisStory, where the stories are real.

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No More Perfect … Kids

July 19, 2013 by Kristin 2 Comments

They’re cute, aren’t they? My daughter has cheesing down to an art. And my boy has silly faces perfected. As cute as they are and as much as I love their stories of becoming part of our family, they aren’t perfect. 
Those kids you see on the playground? They aren’t perfect either. That boy challenging his mom in the grocery store aisle or the one in your daughter’s class? Yeah, no perfection there. 
So let’s stop expecting them to be perfect. {I’ve just repeated this five times. And I could sit here all day and remind myself.}

“Your kids aren’t perfect. Their imperfections are not a reflection of you. You can’t control them into perfection. Allowing your children to fail – without getting your anger as a consequence – is a gift to them.”

{Jill Savage in “No More Perfect Moms“}

Perfection is rooted deep in my natural tendencies. I’m slowly learning to let go and embrace imperfection, especially in my days and relationships. There is so much more peace and joy when I let go of my expectations.

My 6-year-old daughter is oh-so much like me. I’m trying to help her through her own perfectionist tendencies so she’ll try something new without being frustrated that she’s not immediately good at it. We had a good lesson this summer at the skating rink and again as she’s learned to swim and jump off the diving board without floaties.

Meanwhile my 3-year-old boy is all boy. He’s loud and messy and independent and funny and fearless and always on the move. He stretches me and presses me and challenges me and loves me and reminds me to laugh. He’s good for me. But, goodness, he’s hard for me. He doesn’t fit in my box and I certainly can’t parent him just like I do his sister. Without him, I’m pretty sure I’d still be trying to keep my life in a perfect box.

God has been trying to break through my stubborn, perfectionist ways for a long time now. This has been the year I’ve truly let him in. I still learning and trusting in this new way, but my heart is calmer this way. And, really, I have my kids to thank for it.

________

It’s been awhile since I blogged about “No More Perfect Moms.” {Read past posts here.} I’m linking up with other moms over at Jill Savage’s Hearts at Home Blog Hop. And I’ve got news: Jill Savage is teaming up with Dr. Kathy Koch to write “No More Perfect Kids: Love Your Kids for Who They Are.” I have no doubt it will be real and practical. 

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About Me

Telling stories is my therapy and I love sharing them with friends on my porch.

The main characters in my stories are my entrepreneur husband, our ninth-grade girl who never forgets, our have-no-fear sixth-grade boy, and our joy-filled kindergarten girl. As we live out our stories, we seek God as the author of them all.

Learn more about my story here.

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“Between stimulus and response there is a space. “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” - @brenebrown attributes this quote to Viktor Frankl

Months ago, I made a counseling appointment for today. And it certainly came at the exact right now. 

Honestly, the transition into my favorite season has been rocky — and I’m not totally sure why. I know some circumstances that are contributing to that, and I also know my responses haven’t been what I want them to be. But I’m not entirely sure what to do about it. 

Slowing down, listening to my body and mind, setting boundaries, being honest, and counting the wins and gifts should help. At least those are the things my counselor and I discussed when I talked for every minute of our session. Sometimes I go not knowing what we will dive into. Today I knew. She said these were good conversations. She reminded me of what I know to be true, that what I’m doing matters. Intentional parenting matters every single day even though there are no results to quantify. 

Many things are stimuli in my life. Yours too, I’m sure. I don’t leave even space between the chatter, lies, responsibilities, burdens, gifts, and routines to respond kindly and gracefully. I’m quick to be angry and anxious. I want to slow down my brain and give myself more space to truly live. I’m pretty sure that’s the space where God grows pretty things. 

📷: Cate Taylor, 15

#OneDayMay #maydays #livingfaithfully #choosingJOY #reallife #momlife #flowerphotography #summerisbest #88daysofsummer
@emilyhenrywrites is really good at writing romanc @emilyhenrywrites is really good at writing romance novels that go deeper than a cheesy love story. Her characters navigate grief and disappointment that comes with real life. In the cleverly titled “Book Lovers,” Nora and Charlie work through a lot as people and a couple to discover what they’re happy ending looks like. Plus it’s set in a Hallmark-movie-like town that works well for this story for people who love books and lovers. 

#KHTreads #bookstagram #recommendedreads #favoritethings #amreading #Kindlebooks #kindlepaperwhite
Oh, Monday. It’s the first actual week of #88day Oh, Monday. It’s the first actual week of #88daysofsummer and it feels like fall out. That would be lovely, except my people and I were ready for pool time. 

One kid got up way too early and was having all the feels. I subsequently got up way too early and came out of my bedroom ready to implement morning habits and conquer boredom. Nobody else was very excited about my strategy. 

By 10 o’clock this morning, I suggested one kid take a nap and retreated to my own room with my phone, my Kindle, and lots of thoughts. I had a small revelation that helped me better see my kids as the individuals they are. 

I made plans to walk with a friend and later dragged all my kids along. Yep, even the one in a boot and on crutches for at least a few more days. You see, that injured kid also started Summer Break with his third strep diagnosis since February. He certainly needed fresh air after a couple of days stuck inside the house. 

We all needed fresh air, fresh perspectives, and a fresh start to the day. Today the walk outside is what helped. Another day there may be a different strategy, but I’m thankful I found way through all the feelings and disappointments this morning and can feel a little sunshine in my day, even if it’s only the figurative kind of sunshine. 

#momlife #maydays #reallife #kentuckyweather #kyweather #confusedweather #summerisbest #poolpeople #choosingJOY #thirdchild #monday #mondaymood #momconfessions #PorchStories
I miss … … a few particular friends from whom I miss …

… a few particular friends from whom I’m separated by circumstances, logistics, and distances. 

When I make a friend, I intend to stay friends forever. Of course, life doesn’t always work out that way. 

I don’t miss my kids being young, but I miss the ease of socializing with my friends during that season. It was easy then to meet at the park or go somewhere for lunch. Now there are so many schedules to work around. 

Scheduling time to lunch or get together is still my love language, it just takes a little more work, patience, and persistence now. And sometimes that’s exhausting. But it’s always worth it. 

#OneDayMay #maydays #bettertogether #livingfaithfully #reallife
School’s out FOR THE SUMMER! #88daysofsummer #mo School’s out FOR THE SUMMER! #88daysofsummer #momlife #siblinglove #summerisbest #maydays
I’m proud of myself for … … surviving and t I’m proud of myself for …

… surviving and thriving this school year. I resist change almost all of the time, and the past nine months have been full of so many transitions for our whole family. I know, that’s life, but these changes seem like the kind that will mark us forever. 

My kids navigated new beginnings in kindergarten, middle school, and high school. As a mom, sometimes I’m too close to see the growth, but this year it happened in each of them right before my eyes. They navigated friendship hurdles, embraced new friends, and settled a little more into who God created them to be. Middle school isn’t for the faint of heart, but I feel like I’ve come out of this year closer to my son, so I will take it. 

I’m proud of myself for leaning into where God has me. I’ve grown deeper friendships, invested in my kids’ school as a board member and business manager, and seen God work in our ordinary days. 

Y’all know I’m a summer girl, so I’m proud of myself through getting through the winter and coming into summer stronger and braver. 

#OneDayMay #maydays #livingfaithfully #choosingJOY #momlife #summerisbest #bettertogether
I’m honestly surprised I didn’t read this book I’m honestly surprised I didn’t read this book sooner. I loved so much about it, but I did want some of her stories to be  less repetitive and offer more practical advice for living out “radical, ordinary hospitality.” Rosaria Butterfield defines hospitality like this as sharing what you have in real time, preparing to continually life this lifestyle, and bringing strangers in so they become neighbors who become family. 

I took notes throughout, but especially during the introduction. I came away with an appreciation that hospitality can involve lists, schedules, and habits. I felt encouraged, even if I thought the book could have been organized better to include practical tips and other people’s stories. 

#KHTreads #bookstagram #audiobooks #livingfaithfully #bookreview #booklover
Something I don’t usually share (online) … I Something I don’t usually share (online) …

I am an opinionated person, but I don’t usually share political opinions on social media. People who know me in real life know I value being pro-life, having less government involvement in our everyday lives, defining marriage as God intended it, and being fiscally conservative. As a former newspaper reporter, I still get excited about elections. I admittedly pay a little less attention in the almost 15 years I haven’t been in a newsroom. But I still care and have plenty of opinions. 

I voted today in Kentucky’s Primary Election. I’m thankful for the freedom to share my opinion by darkening some blocks on a paper ballot. 

#OneDayMay #maydays #reallife #livingfaithfully
Old friends and live music are two of my favorite Old friends and live music are two of my favorite things, so having them together is the best. My friend Aaron and I went to multiple Dave Matthews Band shows together during our college years, so now two decades later it’s fun to do it again as grown ups with our spouses for a band that speaks truth into our lives. 

@needtobreathe put on the loudest acoustic tour I’ve ever seen, but it sure was good! And its encore of completely unplugged songs was especially sweet. 

#NTBlive #needtobreathe #bettertogether #choosingJOY #favoritethings #livingfaithfully #weekending
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