Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?

Thanks, Katie, for the additional random humor. I especially appreciate you editing out the repeats!

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ... does that mean that one enjoys it?
5. If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
6. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
13 Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?