Thursday, September 28, 2006

All I know is that I'm here

"There are no guarantees in life -- not for the present, nor for the future. All I know is that I'm here -- don't know for how long. I love the way you live so intensely, enjoy every minute of life, with space to swing your arms around ..." -- "Unlike Me" by Kate Havnevik

Interesting enough, I stumbled upon encouragement from a stranger. This is where I want to be, and today I think I'm almost there. I say today because that's all I'm committing my emotions and confidence to. But I hope there are days like today.

Greg and I went to a reproductive specialist earlier this week. It was a big step for me, mostly because I'm tired of doctors. Between this and my diabetes I lost count of how many times I've had my blood drawn in the last 18 months.

But the trip to Nashville was worth it. I felt like Dr. Vasquez wanted to help us connect the dots and eliminate or correct any variables that were standing in our way.

While he was talking about sperm, eggs, ovulating, implantation, I was thinking about how perfect the whole process has to be. The precise timing necessary to create a baby is more exact than anything we as imperfect people can control. In fact, it's perfect. And it is proof enough to me that God creates babies. He lines all the variables up and perfects a process inside our imperfect bodies. That is why I believe every baby has a purpose. Now, granted, babies don't come into perfect situtaions, but they are here for a reason.

Now, with that said, somebody could argue: Why ever go to a doctor if God is control of this conceiving process? I'll tell you: We as humans need hope. God gave these doctors minds to help people like me that want to make sense out of what is -- or in some cases, isn't -- going on inside our bodies.

So today I'm thinking about possibilities and not necessarily wondering when. I know nothing is a guarantee, but I know hope is among the best parts of life.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dreaming of McDreamy

So being that today is the day it is, I wanted to share with you a dream my friend -- who will remain anonymous -- had. Now, when I said "my friend" I truly mean my friend. It's not one of those terribly disguised references to myself. You know, my friend has this problem ... but really it's me with the problem. No. Seriously, my friend had this dream ...

Okay, so I totally had a dream last night about you, me and Dr. Shepherd from Grey's Anatomy. We were in this big group sitting on risers on stage at a high school auditorium, and he had cards that he had written to everyone on stage and was reading them out loud. The ones he wrote to you and I were the best ones and we were both smiling and sighing because we knew we were his favorites.

First of all, it's hilarious she says "Dr. Shepherd from Grey's Anatomy" -- like there was any question who McDreamy is! Then she incorporates high school, which always serves as a great environment for some random dream. Oh, and then cards. You know, my dream job is making cards and owning a card shop.

I would also like to say for the record that the author of this dream isn't a Grey's fan yet ... But she will be. She's getting hooked to the point that she wants to keep up with the plot through me, even if she's watching some other network's programming on Thursday nights!

By the way, I've had non-work-related conversations with three friends -- not including this one with the dream -- and my mother today. Every conversation contained on similiarity: We talked about TV. And, no, I didn't initiate it every time!

first line intrigue

This book hooked me from the first line:

There are gods in Alabama: Jack Daniel's, high school quarter-backs, trucks, big tits, and also Jesus.
--Joshilyn Jackson in "gods in Alabama"

And more than half way through, the main character and her story are keeping me interested.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Is it fall yet?

Seriously, I think it is.

First of all, my friends from Seattle are getting ready to return, this time to Thursday nights. OK, so I don't know them, but, man, I sure have missed them.

(Really I love new TV in general! Who says TV rots my brain?!)

Then, there's a football game here on Saturday. OK, so it's Murray State, but still, it's football.

And I can't forget the weather. It's time to layer!

Monday, September 18, 2006

deep thoughts

On this gloomy, rainy Monday morning I thought I would share some deep thoughts, courtesy an e-mail forward ...

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he doesn't like it, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Friday, September 15, 2006

Cornhole ... yes, cornhole

The theme of the day is CORNHOLE. Yes, cornhole. Have you ever heard of it? I hadn't until today.

First, The Murray State News ran an ad promoting a tournament on campus. Then we talked about it in the newsroom, but nobody knew what it was. So I googled, a move that produced numerous results. Apparently it's popular, especially in Kentucky. Um, OK, sure ... I'm not sure. Must be eastern Kentucky. I guess the trend is making its way here.

Then one of the press guys here -- the one who initiated the conversation by asking everyone here if they knew what it was -- called me a few minutes ago to tell me ESPN was airing a segment on it. Apparently Carson Palmer is on the trend.

This description totally makes the whole game sound redneck. But there's a Chicago contingent too. And here is a newspaper article.

Seemingly on cue, one of the advertising girls just walked by my desk and asked me: OK, who hung the cornhole ad by the time clock? Then I answered with my newfound knowledge.

Seriously ...

I try. I really do.

"But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love. And don't take yourself too seriously — take God seriously."

--Micah 6:8 (The Message)

Thursday, September 14, 2006

a wonderful prize ... someday

"Close my eyes when I go to bed/And I dream of angels who make me smile/I feel better when I hear them say/Everything will be wonderful someday"
--"Wonderful" by Everclear

Don't take that as my thinking my life sucks. That's a far cry from where I am. BUT a girl has wishes.

Greg and I had a talk about jobs and kids and the future in general last night before we went to bed. When we finished talking, he was almost immediately asleep, but I tossed and turned. I wasn't discontent, at least that's not the feeling I had. I was just restless, like I wanted things to happen. Maybe I want things to happen too fast.

But people keep telling me that my time to be a mother will come. Sure. I believe that. But I have to wonder, isn't my time getting close?

Last week I learned about a local 18-year-old girl being pregnant with twins. The mother was encouraging abortions. Others around her were suggesting adoption. I got my heart involved by saying we'd be interested in talking about adopting them. Yes, I realize this is absolutely crazy. But it seemed right inside. The fact it was so crazy but I had a peace about pursuing it confirmed for me that is was right.

See, thing is, I got my hopes up earlier than I should. I got excited about the possibility, even though I hadn't even talked to the mother or anyone close to her. I thought about how I could give up things to make it work. I thought about how Greg and I would handle it, logistically. We talked about the financial and legal responsibilities and what the process would be. I realized how much easier on my body (mostly my blood sugar and insulin intake) adopting would be. I thought about how many this was the answer to my prayers and wishes.

Then I learned yesterday that the girl miscarried the twins. It made me sad because I saw this as an opportunity for us. But then it made me sad for a less selfish reason: What an awful situation for this high school senior to experience, especially if she didn't even want the babies.

Today a friend suggested maybe the reason was for me to learn if adoption was really an option I'd pursue. Maybe I was suppose to think outside the pregnancy box. Who knows the reasons. I could wear myself thin just sitting here coming up with one right after another. That's what disappointment will do to an analytical girl.

So I'm back to hoping, but I bring with me another option that one day might be our answer. Until then, I'll keep in my that everything will be wonderful someday. And to quote my favorite Indigo Girls song: The prize is always worth the rocky ride.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Remembering Sept. 11, 2001

I remember Sept. 11, 2001, clearly. And I'm sure I'm not alone.

But is calling the anniversary of that day Patriot Day necessary? I mean, it's seems silly to put a name tag on a day that nobody is going to forget anyway. And, most certainly, cards designated for this "holiday" cross some line in my mind. I'm all about rememberance, but do we really need the government and calendar companies labeling what we should remember?

Now, with that said, I know there were a ton of documentaries that revisited the terrorist attacks. I admit that I didn't watch a single one. That doesn't mean I don't care or I don't remember. It just means everything I saw five years ago was clear enough in my head that I didn't need visual reminders of the sadness.

Monday, September 11, 2006

A CONGATULATIONS to friends and a WELCOME to new TV

Congratulations, Ryan and Ann! They were married this weekend in Cincinnati. I have been to my share of weddings, and I have to say that this one flowed (at least from a guest perspective) better than probably anyone I've ever been to. Now, I've planned a wedding and I've been in a bridesmaid in four others, so I know behind the scenes there were bound to be kinks, but nothing seemed to surface to us in attendance.

The reception was amazing. It was in this old movie theater turned into a reception hall. The atmosphere was neat and the food was delicious. I also cringe at formal seating arrangements at weddings because I can only imagine how hard it is to make it all work out from a planning standpoint. And then I wouldn't know how to begin with getting people to their seats -- other than just putting name cards on the table and having peope wander around looking for them. But Ryan and Ann had a whole table of name cards (in alphabetical order, I might add!) on this table in the reception lobby. The tables were identified by different places they had been together. So ours said Seeley Lake under our names ... Turns out that is Montana and we just had to look for that table, not our individiual names. The tables at a little description of their trip there and a few pictures. Great idea! The company there at Seeley Lake (our table, that is) was good, which was a nice surprise because I basically knew no one. (I didn't realize until I was on my way out that a fan of my blog was there. Hi, John!) And at the table next to ours was a girl I knew years ago through some mutual friends in Louisville who is now married to a friend of Ryan's who I met years ago when we were high schoolers working at The Park at Middletown. Small world.

In other important news ...

* I ordered the second season of Grey's Anatomy last week. I should get it this week! There is HOURS of extra stuff, including four episodes that are extended with stuff they cut for TV. Gosh, I miss these friends of mine. It's so fabulous we'll get to start hanging out again next week. Now on Thursday nights!

* Survivor starts this week. We'll see how having the four teams racially divided works out. Drama. I'm looking so forward to new TV.

Friday, September 8, 2006

Police mistake diabetic seizure for drunkenness


EAST CHICAGO, Ind. (AP) — A 39-year-old man died Friday at a hospital, two weeks after his family says he was beaten by police who mistook his diabetic seizure for drunkenness.

Jerome Clement, who had lapsed into a coma after the incident Aug. 24, was taken off a respirator, insulin and a feeding tube late Tuesday, said Patricia Zegley, a paralegal with the law firm representing the family.

Police officers said they found Clement passed out in a car after receiving a report about an apparent drunken driver at a scrap yard. They reported that he smelled intoxicated, and when they to wake him up, he spoke in slurred tones.

He became unruly when they tried to pull him from the car, and they used pepper spray and hit him three times with a baton while trying to subdue him, they said.

Attorneys for the family say police mistook a diabetic seizure for Clement being drunk.

Police Chief Robert Machuca has said that officers “responded appropriately, given the situation. They believed he was drunk, and he was very combative, so they took him into custody.”

Clement’s heart stopped as paramedics administered treatment and he fell into the coma. A statement released on the family’s behalf said tests over the weekend showed Clement had little brain activity and minimal chance of regaining substantial brain activity.

Zegley said the family plans to sue the city.

Fall Days: Coming Soon

I've been wanting to make chili or taco soup, but I decided I shouldn't wish summer away.

I love flip flops and tank tops, but I really am ready for the layered look and boots. Chili, white chili and taco soup surely soon to come; I was afterall already talking about who's turn it would be to work the day after Thanksgiving. Then I looked through my calendar ... September, October and November are quickly becoming cluttered, in a good way.

Until then I'll keep my flip flops handy and enjoy the transition from one season to the the next. Ironically, for a girl who worries about change, I love seasonal transitions. I guess it's just enough variety to keep me sane and lets me look forward to the little things I love.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

holiday at home

This is why down time at home is so important to me. I just don't know if I would have described it this well:

Throughout our lives, most of us are led to believe that relaxation is best pursued outside of the home. As a result, we spend months anticipating weeklong vacations, seldom fully appreciating the leisure time we are blessed with on a more regular basis. It is possible, however, to re-experience the same utterly relaxed state you slip into while on holiday within your home's walls. The feelings of serenity you enjoy during a vacation are a product of your outlook rather than your locale. You give yourself permission to enjoy yourself and unwind while on vacation. Granting yourself the same privilege while at home allows you to experience complete relaxation, even when surrounded by routine.

On that note, I'm so looking forward to the cooler weather so I can lay down on my swing while reading a good book. So there really is going to be break in my busyness.

Monday, September 4, 2006

Signs of September

I hear cars passing, kids playing, people mowing. The curtains swish in the breeze. And I can feel the effects of the fan on my face.

I love laying in bed with the windows open. The noise is subtle enough that it's relaxing. And it's telling me that fall is on its way.