adopting rejuvenated hope

My life has been busy lately. (This translates into: I've written many stories lately.) But my head and heart also have been busy. (This translates into: Thinking, thinking and more thinking.)

So, here I go ...

It's no secret by now that Greg and I have been hoping, trying, praying for a baby. For going on two years now, we've wished for pregnancy. Well, our hearts have been turned in a different direction lately.

The sweet man who specializes in infertility treatments in Nashville ran some tests via blood work that determined there are several little problems, thanks to polycystic ovarian disease and endometriosis. The most basic explanation is my body doesn't make enough of the right hormones to sustain my eggs. So if I were to get pregnant, I'd have to have hormone supplements too.

I'm sick (no pun intended) of going to doctors. And keep in mind I have some pretty great doctors. I'm really tired of getting my blood drawn. My calendar is numbered with the days of my cycle.

So Greg and I are taking a new focus. We're pursuing a private adoption. Now, when I say this, we're just starting. Obviously the big thing is finding a birth mother. So far I've been reading a book, talking to people and enjoying a renewed sense of peace. We have a couple of attorney friends who have given some initial advice. And next week I'm going to start making some calls.

Back tracking ... I read another book. Defining our own financial and emotional boundaries was the best thing I took from those pages. I thought about whether I wanted to be pregnant or start a family. Without hestitation we want to start a family, and for us opening our home (and hearts) to a baby who needs a home seemed to fit that.

For me, in-vetro fertilization wasn't something I physically, emotionally or financially wanted to endure -- especially knowing it might not work. I decided (and Greg agreed) that if Dr. Vasquez (aka (the specialist) said that option gave us the best odds, then we'd turn out attention to adoption -- something that has always intrigued me anyway. It's like God was preparing me weeks in advance because that's exactly where Tuesday's appointment.

Uncertainty has been the hardest part of this. Now, we've gotten small answers about my body (and Greg's) along the way. And, sure, information is good. While I'm not giving up hope of getting pregnant, I am refocusing my energies on having a family ... one step at time.