Tuesday, May 31, 2005

funny stuff from the inbox

Two rather entertaining e-mails from my inbox this morning:

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" 
One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''

Three-year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail.

One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive! those who put trash in our baskets."

A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand.  "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner.  At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Also, these headlines hilarious...
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
(No, really?)

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
(Now that's taking things a bit far!)

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
(What a guy!)

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
(No-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!)

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
(See if that works any better than a fair trial!)

War Dims Hope for Peace
(I can see where it might have that effect!)

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
(You think?!)

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
(Who would have thought?!)

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
(They may be on to something!)

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
(You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!)

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
(He probably IS the battery charge!)

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
(Weren't they fat enough?!)

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
(That's what he gets for eating those beans!)

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
(Taste like chicken?)

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
(Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
(Boy, are they tall!)

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
(Did I read that sign right?)

Monday, May 30, 2005

Here I am!

OK, I've severely neglected the blog...
I think, for once, I really didn't have much to say. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just a little unusual.

Here I am, coming to you from Louisville. I love that my mom joined those of us with high-speed Internet. Her dial-up used to be so bad that in my world she didn't even have Internet access.

I learned this weekend I want a TiVo. We were visiting Shelley and Dustin in Indianapolis on Saturday and I realized the perks of a TiVo. It wouldn't matter if someone called during CSI on Thursday nights. I could just pause it and answer the phone, rather than trying to ignore the telephone but get distracted from the show while I listen to see who is leaving a message and still end up asking about what happened. Plus, I could have a stock pile of other shows -- Law & Order comes to mind -- to keep around when I want to watch TV. Never again would I have to say, "There's nothing good on." Amazing. I used to think if I had TiVo I would watch too much TV, but I think I'd really just watch shows I prefer to watch and not find myself watching some stupid show about teammates on ESPN when I'm scrapbooking in the basement.

It was great to see Shelley and Dustin. Their almost-2-year-old son Evan was hilarious. He's such a good kid. He made instant friends with Greg and entertained us all day. Greg's adorable with kids, especially at that age when he can play with them. Plus, they have new baby, Nathanael Jonah. He was born May 16 and is precious.

While in Indy, we also ate breakfast Sunday with Katie and Aaron. It's always good to see old friends, which both of these couples are. It's also fun because I've been friends with all of these people before they were really couples. Shelley, Dustin and I all went to high school together. I worked Aaron at The Park, starting the end of the senior year of high school. Katie and I got to be friends in college in a sort of strange but totally 21st century way. Email works wonders when you connect with someone and live far apart. I actually suggested Katie and Aaron hang out with each other ... and now they are married. It's fun to share old stories, catch up on life, know these people somehow helped shape who I am, and know that even as life changes these people are part of my life.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

chatting

After a slow start this morning, I'm ready to go.

Go where? You ask.

Wherever.

I would attribute my slow start to not having a real conversation until after 9 a.m. — more than two hours after I got to work. That's a tad bit unusual. And even then, those conversations were work-related talks. My first just general chat came well after 10 a.m. with a security deputy at the courthouse. Getting out of the office, even to go to the courthouse helped. I sang along with Sugarland. They helped too.

Eating Quiznos at the park with Greg helped too. It was nice to just be outside and not have anything pressing.

Now I'm back at work, preparing to tackle a few stories and cover a meeting. If I could just get rid of this recurring headache.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

A Tale of Two Afternoons

The afternoon I am motivated to work, but I can't seem to get in touch with anyone I need for the three different stories I have started and would like to finish in the relatively near future. I'm sure they'll all return my phones calls at a more inopportune time.

Meanwhile, yesterday afternoon I enjoyed the gorgeous weather by shopping with Jaclyn. Yes, you can shop in Murray. The choices are just limited. It was nice just to be driving around town with the windows down, not rushing to get from one place to the next.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Being girls

I spent several hours yesterday afternoon over at Jaclyn's house, sitting with her as she continues to recover from her surgery. (She had a tubal pregnancy and had to have a tube removed. Meanwhile, she was diagnosed with endometriosis.) We had good girly chats and watched some appropriately girly movies.

Her sister recommended "Carolina" — a movie we had never heard of. Man, I'm glad we didn't miss that one. It's one that's worth owning and rewatching. Great story lines portrayed in a lot of great moments.

We also watched "13 Going on 30." Cute movie that made me think about change and how people affect each other. You know, sometimes our lives drift from where they are rooted, but that doesn't make those roots any less important. People influence people, and that's what makes relationships so essential.

Sometimes our grown up lives get too caught up in schedules, appointments and commitments. It was nice to just be with one of my best girlfriends, just being girls. Our group of girlfriends from college split into different directions, so it's really good to have Jaclyn in Murray as we venture into these adult stages of our lives together.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

beyond a headache

Thanks to a pain in the back of my head, sort of behind my right ear, every time I laugh, sneeze or turn too suddenly, I feel like my head may roll off my shoulders. I would just say I have a headache, but it seems to be beyond that.

I read the description of a tension headache, and that's what my personal diagnosis is leaning toward. Thing is, I'm not stressed, so I can't pinpoint the cause. Maybe it's not even that. Who knows.

The last two mornings I've woken up just hoping it was gone, and me and my wishful thinking thinks it is until I move my head. Since Monday afternoon I've found myself moving a bit slower.

And one of the strangest things about it all is I can pinpoint the exact moment it started: About 2:30 p.m. Monday I got up from posting Milla pictures on my blog from my home computer and noticed this sharp pain in my head, in the same place I described earlier. I remember the time because I was on my way to cover a presentation at MSU.

So, I'll just sit here, type these stories, make these phones calls, all a bit slower than usual, and continue my wishful thinking that the pain subsides.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

self-serving messages

"The problem of journalism is American proceeds from a simple but inescapable bind: journalists are rarely, if ever, in a position to establish the truth about an issue for themselves, and they are therefore almost entirely dependent on self-interested 'sources' for the version of reality that they report." —Edward Jay Epstein, author

Yep, I run into that quandary more often that I care to admit. I want to trust people. I want to think people are being honest. But it's human nature to make sure your own interests, whatever those may be, come to the forefront of conversations. I don't think people lie to me as much as I think people want for their self-serving message to get out. You can imagine this can frustrate a perfectionist who lives in a bit of an idyllic world.

Even so, that quote rings true in my world.

With that said, I still think TV reporters and producers do a disservice more often because their short news segments leave way too many questions unanswered. But sounds bites and quick views are the preferred ways of the world.

Monday, May 9, 2005

at the doctor

In the waiting room at the doctor's office this afternoon a guy overheard me tell the receptionist my name. When I sat down, he said, "Are you the one who writes for the paper?" I'm always a little hestitant. Compliments are sometimes cluttered with complaints. I said told him I wrote for the paper, and he proceeded to tell me he enjoyed my Citizens Police Academy columns. Turns out his wife was in the class with me. So we chatted about that.

My A1C was 5.9. If you'll remember, that's good news. It's been 5.9 for about the last nine months, which, like I said, is good. Such news helps me forget how frustrating it can be and reminds me to be thankful I have many, many more good days with it than bad days.

trying hard


At 16 months old, Milla's determined to be a big girl. Here's she convinced that chair is perfect for her. Plus she wanted to be closer to the ice cream cake on the table. Smart girl. I wish you could see better the denim dress she's wearing better. It's adorable.  Posted by Hello

making friends ... sort of


Milla's favorite word is dog. Although she stretches the one syllable out. She's finally learning that maybe Bailey it's so bad, even for a dog. Here she's trying to make friends. On an unrelated note, notice she's finally getting some hair. Posted by Hello

reading ... sort of


She's reading the children's classic "Are You My Mother?" She likes to point on the dog and cat in the book, even though it's really about a bird. Regardless, she seems to enjoy it -- even upside down. Posted by Hello

from church bulletins

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ
the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of thosethings not worth keeping around the house. Don't
forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to
sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Saturday, May 7, 2005

comfort at "home"

There's something so peaceful about waking up at my parents' house, even if it's different than my childhood home. The location is different, my parents have changed, but then again my parents haven't changed, and somehow I still find peace here. I sleep so soundly here, even though nothing about this bed is anything like the bed I used to have at "home." Plus I love waking up on Derby weekend and having The Courier-Journal waiting for me with tons of random stories and facts about the 20 horses and the people who contribute to what these animals are.

Friday, May 6, 2005

playing catch up...

I spent much of this week covering a murder trial. I'm a nerd, so it was actually interesting. They found him guilty of second-degree manslaughter, which has a significantly less prison sentence and much earlier parole possibilities.

Anyway...
back to Tuesday, which happened to be May 3. My birthday was nice. Greg planned dinner at Cracker Barrel with some friends. And while I admittedly tried to get him to tell me the plan, at least part of the plan, I tried to refrain from asking too many questions and enjoy the fact he was trying to surprise me. It's always fun to get birthday cards in the mail. My birthday is extended a couple weeks because Greg's birthday is close and we celebrate them together with our families and then I have friends in places like Boston who call and randomly ask what size shoe I wear but insist they didn't buy me shoes. (Wait, that shouldn't be plural, I happen to have one fabulous friend like that!)

On an unrelated noted, I have been reminded this week of love languages. It's hard when people don't always respond like you would prefer them. But that's when I stop reacting internally totally emotionally and remember not everyone is a perfect melancholy who receives and expresses love the same way I do. Thankfully, that's why nobody is my spittin' image. (I do realize I talk about this more often than is probably necessary, but my bloggin' serves as reminders as well as babble you have some fascination with reading. The you is plural there. I guess it should really be ya'll -- I do live in Kentucky.)

Also this week, I watched Greg's baseball team play. He's fun to watch coach because he's amazingly encouraging to those kids. They won both games this week, and he's adorable when he's excited about stuff like that. You would have thought it was Pujols who hit homeruns on consecutive nights when it was actually a couple 13- to 15-year-old boys.

Back to my birthday, my dad called me and left a message saying he remembered it was my birthday while he was watching "American Idol." There are a lot of weird things about that comment, especially if you knew my dad. I'm especially struggling to make the connection between myself and "American Idol."

Thank God it's Friday, and sunny.

children's words

Gotta love this kind of innocence.

NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4- year old daughter on my afternoon rounds The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."

"And why not, darling?"

"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning"

DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his
collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes."

SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't
write and they won't let me talk!"

BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out."

"What have you got there, dear?"

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

Monday, May 2, 2005

disease of mystery and sometimes frustration

It's been awhile since I've been frustrated with my diabetes. The last two days have reminded me how it's a disease of mystery and sometimes just flat out doesn't make sense.

Yesterday after eating at a Chinese buffet my blood sugar was a little on the low end. Although that's not unusual because sometimes at buffets I tend to think I'm eating more carbs than I am, therefore take more insulin than I need. So I ate a little snack, that should have brought it back to a normal range, considering I was getting ready to walk. I walked with some friends, then a few hours later, it was incredibly high. I'm talking three times what it should be. That's frustrating, one, because I can't pinpoint a reason. Also, it just makes me feel bad because I get a headache and feel groggy and uncomfortable. So Greg and I went to dinner and I took extra insulin with my salad, trying to bring my blood sugar back down. No avail. Well, maybe a little, but not enough to ease my frustration. So I took more insulin and by bedtime it was only slightly high, but acceptable enough to think it would be fine in the morning.

This morning it was slightly high and continued that way through the morning. At lunch, I apparently didn't compensate enough, and it was even higher after lunch. I took extra insulin and last time I checked it was in good shape.

Now...

You all might have just read that thinking, man, what is she talking about? Basically I just need to vent. I can't imagine having this disease and not being concerned about details. (In general I can't imagine not being concerned with details, but somehow some people aren't!) I'm glad I care and do my best to manage this disease. That's the thing, it's about management. The disease isn't going anywhere, but the least I can do is take care of it.

It's funny, I've spent very little time questioning how I ended up with this. I can't even pinpoint when I had a virus, which is the likely reason my pancreas stopped producing insulin. The way I've felt much of the last 24 hours, though, reminds me how thankful I am it's under control. I have just felt groggy and tired and was incredibly thirsty -- symptoms I had before I realized I had diabetes, but symptoms I didn't know were affecting me until they weren't. Just having a glimpse of how it was for nearly a year makes me thankful my doctor diagnosed me 15 months ago. 15 months. Sure seems longer than that, but, then again, that time has flown by.

Sunday, May 1, 2005

Cinnamon toast on May 1st

I love new months, especially May. First, May is my birth month. Also, May just usually feels like summer. It's a little cool today, but the sun is shining and for the first day in many days it's not rainy. I'll take it.

I had cinnamon toast for breakfast this morning. I have a cinnamon toast memory:

My grandma, we called her Nanny, used to make us cinnamon toast when we'd stay at her house when we were little. Her cinnamon toast was the best. Something about her oven. It was broiled to perfection. To this day, my brother and sister would agree, there was something special about Nanny's cinnamon toast. This morning mine was good, although it was nothing like Nanny's, as I'm sure none will ever be.

I'm thankful God gave us these different sense to trigger memories. Usually for me, it's a sight or sound. But the cinnamon toast is a perfect taste-associated memory.