SATURDAY I left my house twice. Once to go to the grocery and later in the evening to rent a movie. We rented "The Upside of Anger." It had a good cast and potentially good story line, but something about it wasn't so good. There were, however, a couple of good quotes:
People don't know how to love. They bite rather than kiss. They slap rather than stroke. Maybe it's because they recognize how easy it is for love to go bad, to become suddenly impossible... unworkable, an exercise of futility. So they avoid it and seek solace in angst, and fear, and aggression, which are always there and readily available. Or maybe sometimes... they just don't have all the facts.
-Popeye Wolfmeyer, the youngest of four sisters
Anger and resentment can stop you in your tracks. That's what I know now. It needs nothing to burn but the air and the life that it swallows and smothers. It's real, though - the fury, even when it isn't. It can change you... turn you... mold you and shape you into something you're not. The only upside to anger, then... is the person you become. Hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realizes they're not afraid to take the journey, someone that knows that the truth is, at best, a partially told story. That anger, like growth, comes in spurts and fits, and in its wake, leaves a new chance at acceptance, and the promise of calm. Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.
So earlier in the day I scrapbooked some, cleaned some and just hung out some. It wa nice. I think I needed such a day to regroup, physically and emotionally.
Then SUNDAY my high school friends Shelley and Dustin came over for breakfast. They were visiting some of her family in Eddyville and Princeton, so I was glad they made the short trek to Murray. They brought their two boys, and we all enjoyed each other's company. We also showed them MSU's campus.
A few people came over to watch the UK football game later Sunday afternoon. It ended up being a good game, thankfully. Too bad UK really lost it more than Louisville won it. Chalk it up as a moral victory, I suppose, and I'll continuing loving baseball season.
Sunday evening I went to this camp in Murray where 116 New Orleans residents came earlier in the day. I talked to some, and loved hearing their stories. I got frustrated because I was supposed to take pictures too and was disappointed I could see anything I even wished I could capture. I am definitely a better writer, even though I appreciate the visual elements of my field too.
I had to put out today's paper so I could have today off. It's toss up, really. It might have been better to just work today. But, regardless, I came into work frustrated because someone I got roped into doing everything last night. I had this knot of panic in my stomach all night. I think I was having this nightmarish daydream that I was going to be stuck at the paper all night by myself with nothing to run on the pages. I'm sure the thoughts were prompted by the AP wire having gone down, therefore we lacked our usual (and easiest) way to have wire stories as well as how I felt overwhelmed. I was obsessing over my panic for some reason, and that never played to my favor. And it's all really ridiculous because I'm good at my job and always find a way to take care of things. I don't know why I doubted these things last night.
At least I slept good. I got to sleep in again, although not as late as Saturday. I've been lounging around the house some (There are two different "Law & Order" marathons on!) and taking care of some little things like folding clothes, refilling prescriptions and buying Greg's dad a birthday present for the Taylor family function later today. There was a fantasy football draft for Greg's league in which I agreed to participate. I only drafted a couple players before I decided to let Yahoo! do the work. I did get Drew Bennett, though, so now I have him on both my teams. (One team is with the guys at work. There's less teams and less players on each team. Greg's league is bigger and the teams each have more players. So it's two different approaches to the whole make-believe world. I like to tease Greg about fantasy sports being make-believe, and here I am participating!)
OK, so the Cardinals and Cubs are on TV now. Greg and I are going to St. Louis tomorrow night to watch the last installment in our four-game ticket package. It sort of fits into the week that is sure to be busy, but to which I'm looking forward for some reason. I'll work tomorrow most of the day, then go to St. Louis, only to get home late and get up early for work Wednesday. Then Thursday night I have city council to cover then I have to leave for Somerset once I get my story written. I'm spending Friday and Saturday in Somerset at a conference about how to better cover Frankfort and Washington D.C., when as a reporter I can't actually be in those places. I cover government at work, so I'm sure it'll prove interesting. It'll be a nice break from the norm, too.
Baseball time ...