Sunday, October 31, 2004

waiting for the green left-turn arrow

I wait in my car more here in Louisville,
but use my time to flip between WAMZ and WDJX
so I can hear Toby and Ashlee back to back.
There's more hustle and bustle around my Geo Prizm and me,
but somehow I find peace here in the city.

Milla the lady bug


Today was Milla's first Halloween and here is at Rafferty's dressed like a lady bug. Adorable. And you can tell Laine thinks so in this picture. Posted by Hello

Milla the playful


There's several adorable things in this one: First of all you need to know that she turned over that basket by herself and throughout the night got the different toys out to play with. They all go into her mouth at some point, too. Also, she's always sitting with her legs crossed or bent someway. Then, she's wearing those adorable Old Navy jeans.
 Posted by Hello

Milla the happy


Milla will be 10 months this week. She loves to show off that adorable smile, even without any teeth. Posted by Hello

Friday, October 29, 2004

pretending politician

He stood in the partisan crowd in his expensive suit looking for the next hand shake. I make eye contact from the distance and walk toward him. He gives me a hug and I forget he's supposed to be someone important.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

the red teams part 2

I think when I mailed Mr. Quigley some Baby Ruth candy bars I might have given the Red Sox too much luck. But we tried to balance it out with Twizzlers.

It's not over until it's over. The Red Sox proved that last week by sweeping the last four games from the Yankees. But the Cardinals seem to have forgotten how to play baseball. So much for having the best record in baseball if you can't play when it really counts. Game 1 was good. But it's gone down hill from there.

While Red Sox fans gathered around the Boston dugout and chanted "One more win! One more win!" a sign curiously was posted on a side scoreboard at Busch Stadium: "Thanks for a great 2004 season." --from an Associated Press story

Oh well, it's baseball. Fun to watch, but I'll live even if the Cardinals don't win the World Series. Heck, they might not even win a game in the series. But at least they are National League champions.

OK, enough about baseball. I just felt obligated to comment so certain people (Michael the Cubs fan, Katie the new Red Sox fan because she lives in that cold city, Elizabeth the Cubs fan cheering for Boston from Portland, and Ryan the guy who was cheering for the Astros and against the Cardinals from Cincinnati...) don't think I'm too torn up. Oh, and let me add, thank goodness it's the Red Sox and not the Yankees. That does matter in my world.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

... women are from venus

Katie and I were talking last night about compartmentalizing our feelings and reactions. I bring my personal life to work and I take my work home -- not literally, but as far as my moods and attitudes go. I sure don't need to justify this weakness of mine, but Katie did help me generalize that matter as being a female characteristic.

Monday, October 25, 2004

tasty baseballs


Jaclyn baked the cookies and I helped icing them during Sunday's World Series game. (Yes, I recognize the Cardinals didn't win. Good thing there are five more chances to win four games. Maybe I'll get a sweep in St. Louis...) Even if the cookies didn't bring good luck, they tasted good and looked good.  Posted by Hello

up and down numbers

I think my head might explode. Or at least that's how it feels.

freshness, maybe

Breathe.

Ah.

I take things too seriously. Is it possible I do so because I care? Whether it's tasks or people, I get so bent out of shape (aka emotional) when I don't like how things are going. I'm speaking in vague terms because it happens so often. Sometimes in my head, but more often someone knows about it. Greg says I tell people how I feel too often. I think he particularly means I tell people when I am frustrated and disappointed too often. He's probably right, but I suppose to an extent that just comes with the Kristin package.

Greg and I had a good heart-to-heart conversation Friday afternoon about my attitude toward Gary and Angela. My relationships with them, some of the in-laws, aren't like I want them to be. So I tend to think that means I can just be stubborn and not do anything about it. Well, that's not going to get me very far and just probably put me in a bad mood while I'm at it. I admitedly didn't want to have the conversation, but I'm glad we did. He's right, I expect perfection in every corner of my life, and it when it doesn't come I hold it against people or even more so myself.

Baseball is still in the air in my world. I haven't gotten into football yet this season and probably won't at this rate. I'll stick to baseball, hoping the Cardinals can win three games at home then find a way to one at Fenway Park. Even so, I've had SO much fun with KatieKerns during the playoffs. We've talked a ton the last couple of weeks. And, honestly, for me, I think the baseball games have been excuses. :) But knowing someone in Boston has made the games feel closer. I called her Saturday night and asked if it was really as cold as the people on TV looked. Sure enough it was, she said.

This weekend was good. My parents were in town most of the weekend because Cassie played at Murray State yesterday. Austin Peay won its first OVC game this season in its last chance. 2-1. Not bad. A moral victory, definitely. And Michael took some really great pictures at the game for me.

for the people i love

A rough draft of my heart as I think of people I know now and people I knew then.

You take care of me when I need to fall back,
and I want to help hold you up.
We're complements but opposites.
We work well together but we rub edges
because we both do have rough edges.

Sometimes I know you better than myself,
other times I can't climb the wall to reach you.
Sometimes I finish your sentences,
other times I push for an explanation.

You're set in your ways,
and nobody is going to change that.
But I still try.
I'm stubborn too,
and just want you and the world to understand,
and sometimes I think you do.

You scream, I cry.
I want to talk, you want to let it all go without words.
You walk with confidence, and I panic when insecurity seeps out.
We play games, and you always win.
But I keep playing because you make me stronger.

You might drive off in the end,
but I hope that you come back
because for me
in the end
that smile wins out,
that hug breaks the tension
and I know I'm better for knowing you,
for loving you.

Friday, October 22, 2004

the red teams

I realize I've neglected my blog, that's what busyness work does to a girl, but right now I will leave it at

WORLD SERIES
St. Louis Cardinals vs. Boston Red Sox
Saturday night

Too bad I couldn't get my hands on a St. Louis Post-Dispatch today. (Should anyone know how I can find one from today, feel free to help me out. I did call the newspaper there and see if I could buy a copy, and she said I could normally but they were sold out today. Go figure!) I have a Boston Globe on its way though, thanks to KatieKerns. Although apparently Katie barely found one Thursday. She had to briskly walk, almost running, while appearing calm, toward a newstand in the mall.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

for Katie

The cheers from Fenway Park were muffled by the clapping thunder and the rain that ricochetted off our roof. So I turned the TV volume up. I snuggled with my T-shirt quilt and hoped the Red Sox would score. They finally did in the 14th inning. Maybe Katie's dad did break the curse of the Bambino when he ate that Baby Ruth candy bar. The game was 20-something hours away, but it didn't seem so far when I talked to Katie for the second time that night.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Courtesy of Michael...


GEORGE W BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.� We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us.� There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed.� The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome.� Can you believe this?!?� How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars.� And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.� I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.� No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?� Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die in the rain.� Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I have a dream where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.� Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting?� In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.�

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.� Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.� What is your definition of cross?

AL GORE
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

an update

This morning I woke up to thunder and lightning. I kind of liked it, especially because the heavy rain stopped long enough for me to get into work without being drenched. Plus I woke up breathing easier than I was yesterday, thanks to Vick's Vapor Rub. Yesterday morning I just started sneezing and couldn't really quit. My easier got puffy and watery and I kept blowing my nose, which made it all red and chapped. Then my lips got chapped somewhere along the line.

OK, enough personal details.

I keep writing short sentences in my head about what I see, hear and feel in my end. Like that One Million Footnotes blog. It's a weird habit I'm developing. I mean, I do something and then realize I'm describing it to myself as creatively as I can. I'm such a nerd.

This weekend was good.

I worked Friday night after putting on the newspaper all week because my editor was gone. Working almost 55 hours makes for a long week but a very nice paycheck when that time comes. It was actually an OK experience and I learned a lot about what I like about this job and what I don't, what I'm good at and why doesn't come so naturally. I like knowing I can take care of things. And I'm thankful there wasn't any drama here in the office last week. It sort of makes me think drama is created with certain personalities rubbing each other the wrong way. Oh well, I need to stop analyzing.

Anyway, then Saturday morning I slept late (Well, is 10 a.m. considered late if I didn't go to bed until 2 a.m.?) and then my mom came into town from Clarksville, Tenn., and we went to brunch at Cracker Barrel. We visited with Greg's family for awhile, then I decided to go back to Clarksville with her. That night we went to dinner with Cassie then went to see "Friday Night Lights." It was pretty good. The plot itself was good, but I didn't think the coach's character was developed very well. And there was another couple of story lines I didn't think were developed very well -- one, this one player didn't talk then randomly offered motivation in the lockeroom (I have to wonder why he didn't talk...) and then another player's mom had some issues (but I never really figured out what the problem was, whether she was sick or just strange...) It's worth seeing, and I'd like to comment on the end, but I don't want to ruin it for anyone.

Sunday my mom and I went shopping and to eat Mexican before Cassie's game. Austin Peay 1, Jacksonville State 1. After two 10-minute overtimes, it was still tied, so they left it that way. No dramatic shoot-out or anything. Greg and his dad picked me up on their way back to Murray from Nashville because they had gone to the Titans game. (I'm still enjoying baseball and don't really want to move onto football. Maybe I'll just skip to basketball season after the World Series.) It worked out well, though, and I got to spend more time with Mom and Cassie than I thought I was going to.

Last night I walked 4.4 miles (That's two laps around Murray State...), which was nice because I only walked once last week and that didn't do much good for my blood sugar. Hopefully this week I'll get back in the walking routine (because I'm not playing editor and Katy is back in town...) and get my blood sugar back in good range, and not going high.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

5:58 a.m.

My feet hang off the bed, as I try to trap the warmth beneath the sheets to take with me into the cold, dark hallway.

I walk with my eyes closed, even though all I would see would be darkness.

The porcelain chills my bare thighs.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

deep breaths

So the thing about pubishing a newspaper is when we finish for one day, we have to start all over again on the next day's paper. That's the thing I love and hate about this job. I'm definitely better at stringing together words than laying out pages. And my editor is gone this week, so here I am trying to do both. It's OK, and I'm getting better at it all, but I can't seem to find many spare moments.

This purpose of this blog, really, is just to give me three minutes to breathe. Ahhh.

So here's the quick update: I worked 10 hours each of the past two days and then went home to hang out with Greg and our friends Laura and Dave who were in town the last two nights. It was fun, but maybe tonight I can just sit in front of the TV and fold laundry.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

a friend

She said she was fine, but her hug said otherwise.

chores

The carpet threads bent to either side. She knew he had vacuumed.

editing

He altered my words to make them his own. He cut my words just because he could. The sentences meant them same, but I didn't recognize the paragraphs.

homecoming

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet upon the rock and gave me a firm place to stand. --Psalm 40:1-2
(I love thinking about U2 putting similar words to music in the way they do in "40.")

Here's a concept I thought about during church today:
One can acquire every thing in solitude -- except character. Character is who you are when no one is watching, but character is shaped by those around us. What you talk about in your thoughtless words shape others at a deeper level.

This weekend:
Sarah came to visit us. We had a good time catching up and hanging out with old friends. A group of us college friends got together last night for pizza and games. We laughed, and laughed. It was refreshing to be in familiarity for awhile before we all slipped back into our lives.

In talking about an ex-boyfriend, Sarah said, "He's so old, he spells old with a E." Hilarious. We couldn't stop laughing about it, and it still makes me laugh.

The attic is done. The walls are painted, the bed is made, and the curtains are hung. The walls remain a little bare, but that's alright. Sarah said the bed was really comfortable. It's really just nice to have that space ready to go. On Friday, I was taking the tape off the stairs and around the bathroom walls, wanting to hurry so I could hang out with Laura. I was getting frustrated when in a moment of clarity I realized Sarah is our friend and would understand if the attic isn't spotless when she gets here. So I abandoned the attic to hang out with Laura. I was eager for her company, if you can't tell. So, when I came home from eating dinner with Laura, Greg was ironing one set of curtains (I had hung up the other earlier...) and had cleaned up the rest of the mess up there. Man, what a great moment that was, walking into this house that was so clean, and I didn't have to clean it myself. Totally refreshing, and you better believe I thanked him countless times.

Friday, October 8, 2004

a connection: Murray and Green Bay

In the Oct. 4, 2004, issue of Sports Illustrated (That's the issue with the "Smashing in St. Louis" cover for all you Cardinals fans!) there were some pictures about NFL players and their sleeping habits. Brett Favre talks about being sore in the days following games, needing seven hours of sleep a night in a dark room and trying to fight the urge to nap during meetings. Then there's a picture of him sleeping (well, probably pretending to sleep...) and he's wearing a Murray State shirt. That's nice, the Packers quarterback likes the Racers. Well, his wife went to school here, apparently, so I'm sure it's nothing more than that. Greg said maybe he'd send his kids to Murray. Well, he has two daughters, but I wouldn't hold out hope.

mellow

Whenever I say "mellow," I want to follow it with "yellow." I'm totally a child of modern culture, especially advertising. It's funny because I understand advertising enough from a publishing standpoint to know the effects certain ads are SUPPOSED to have on me, but instead of ignoring them, I just GIVE IN to the ads. Example: The other night for dinner I wanted this salad I saw advertised on TV. But I couldn't remember where. (So much for attention to details.) I thought it was Hardee's. Turned out it was Arby's. Anyway, I got it -- a chicken club salad -- and it was yummy. And the advertisement worked.

Moving on...
I've been mellow today. I think it's because I had a headache much of the morning and some of the afternoon.

The attic is almost together. Good thing because Sarah is staying with us this weekend and then Laura and Dave are staying Monday and Tuesday nights. Speaking of friends visiting, Laura, a different Laura, is in town. I'm suppose to eat dinner with her tonight and I'm really looking forward to it.

Here's the thing about Laura, I miss our conversations. We don't talk so much now. We instant message some. She lives in Murfreesboro (near Nashville) now and we do our own thing. But in college she became one of my favorite people to talk to, probably because she's a lot like me. We lived in the same dorm and spent a lot of time walking up and down the hall to each other's rooms my last year. She's one of those people who I am just glad I know because she teaches me a lot about myself and people in general.

So, I'm jealous that my mom and Milla get to watch Cassie's soccer game this afternoon in Louisville. Austin Peay is playing Spalding, but there wasn't any way to make it up there and do what I needed to do here. I'm ready to see that adorable niece of mine. It'll be almost two months when I go up there Halloween weekend.

I'm babbling out of boredom. Well, not boredom, but that feeling that it's almost 3 p.m. on Friday and I don't want to start anything new.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

autumn?

Should I blog just for the sake of blogging? Or should I wait until I have SOMETHING to say? SOMETHING doesn't have to be important, really, just noteworthy, at least in my mind. Um, so here is SOMETHING, whatever that means.

I like fall. I like tearing off the calendar on my desk. I like new months. I like new seasons. It's funny because in April or so I can't wait for summer. But in August and September I can't wait for fall. I guess it's good I live in Kentucky, where there are seasons but not extreme seasons.

I love getting into the bed at night, and sheets being cold for a few minutes before they are warmed with body heat. Then snuggling -- with blankets or my husband -- and sleeping so well. I think I sleep better in the fall. I like that the air conditioner isn't on, but the heaters aren't either. I love that feeling of being so warm knowing it's a bit chilly just outside the blankets. Although I hate that feeling for a split moment every morning when my alarm sounds.

I love layering clothes, particularly long-sleeved T-shirts. I like that the sun shines in the afternoon, but I need to wear layers at night. I enjoy hot chocolate, so I better learn how much insulin to take with that.

I'd say I like the football that comes with fall. But all my teams lost last weekend, so maybe I should just hold on to summer for a bit longer. And thanks to the Cardinals I can for at least a few more games. I like to watch Cassie's soccer games and now we go to Greg's cousins' games at Murray High too. Yeah, it's just sports, I suppose, but it's something fun for the fall with the families. (Oooh, alliteration. I love that, too.)

I don't like the word "autumn." It's awkward to me. And I don't eagerly anticipate winter like I do spring and fall. I could do without that season. But I do like sweaters and corduroy pants. But if I skipped winter, I probably wouldn't like the others. It's nice how it all works together for the best.

Monday, October 4, 2004

frustration

I heard you crack your knuckles before you pecked heavily on the keyboard. I saw one piece of hair fall away from the gel-stiffened others as you buried your head in your hands.

weekend

Ladder 49 is one of the best movies I've ever seen. I'll refrain from talking about it because I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but if you've seen it, then maybe we can talk about it.

The weekend run down: We went to Clarksville on Friday for Cassie's game. Tennessee Tech 2, Austin Peay 1. Saturday was productive around here and I scrapbooked some. That night I covered a political forum. I'm a nerd, though, so I don't mind. Sunday we went to church, ate lunch with some friends, went to the movie, scrapbooked some more and ate catfish with Katy and Chad. It was one of those weekends I enjoyed just being with Greg and not having any huge plans.

Saturday, October 2, 2004

Friday, October 1, 2004

discovering words

I stumbled upon this today. Amazing, really.

3,885 seconds and a lifetime

I have this strange habit of looking at the call timer on my cell phone after certain phone conversations. It's a strange habit because I don't think you can really quantify quality. But I guess sometimes the lack of quality can be expressed with lack of quantity. Anyway, all this to say I talked to KatieKerns for one hour, four minutes and forty-five seconds last night. And I loved all 3,885 seconds of it. (I figured up the total seconds when I was writing an email to her this morning...)

We talked a lot about growing up and changing. It's a topic I talk about sometimes, and think about even more. My perspective has changed slightly about it all, but I'm still one of those people who holds onto details from today and many, many days ago. I cling to conversations and wish for certain things, always trying to figure out how it works together today. Katie is much the same. The best part of our friendship is that we're closer than we've ever been, all the while living further apart than we ever have. Maybe the hope of living closer in 200-some-odd days helps us. Maybe we just need each other.

Regardless, she said something, well, probably several things, that got me thinking. Mainly, she said, "You can't break up with a friend." You know, you (that's the general you, really meaning me, I suppose...) have these loves in life, and you think nothing can get better. But then you "break up." You try to be friends, but emotions and what-used-to-be always gets in the way. It's a vicious cycle of breaking hearts.

But when it comes to friends, you can't break up with them. That's good and bad. Sometimes there are friends who change so much that you lose a used-to-be connection with them. But I suppose it's possible your paths will cross again because that person remains etched in your heart. Even though the relationship is nonexistent, you can't quite break up with them, even though maybe you wish you could, almost for emotional protection. Then there's the flip side: Friends are constant, each in their own way. And breaking up isn't an option because you don't want it to be.

I kept saying you. But, like I said, I really meant me.